The Neighbor Kids Keep Trespassing on Our Property. Their Parents’ Response Is Unhinged.
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My husband and I have a house with an in-ground swimming pool in the backyard. Last month we had some new neighbors move in next door who have two boys who seem to be in the older tween or early teen range. The issue is that on many occasions since they moved in, we have caught the boys swimming in our pool. They will use the pool when we are gone; I suspect they are keeping track of when our car is in our driveway. We have six-foot fencing around our pool and have been keeping the gates to our sideyards locked, but our security cameras have shown the kids are climbing over the fence that separates our two backyards.
Speaking to their parents has been useless. The parents say we should just leave our side gates unlocked and let the boys use our pool—they claim they are fine with it and the kids are old enough not to require supervision.
That’s not the point! We don’t want these kids in our yard! It tends to remain hot where we live through the early part of October, so we have at least another month where this is going to be an issue. My husband wants to call the police the next time it happens. Is there some way we can avoid that, or have we exhausted our options?
Dear Preteen Pool Crashers,
As I read your letter, I’m shaking my head wondering when did parenting evolve to let kids trespass and make use of other people’s property? You’ve absolutely exhausted your reasonable options. These parents are unhinged if they think you should unlock your gates so their kids can trespass whenever they please. This isn’t about neighborly sharing - it’s about liability, boundaries, and basic respect for property rights.
The level of liability, which is all on you, is almost unfathomable: If one of these kids drowns in your pool, you could face massive lawsuits regardless of whether you “gave permission.” Your homeowner’s insurance might not cover incidents involving repeat trespassers. And even if they don’t drown, these kids could damage your pool equipment, leave messes, or get injured on your property in countless ways.The list of dangers goes on and on.
The parents’ cavalier attitude is jaw-dropping. They’re essentially telling you to become unpaid lifeguards and pool maintenance staff for their children. Would they be fine with you wandering into their house to raid their refrigerator?
Before calling the police, try one final written notice (and be sure to keep a copy) stating that the children are not welcome on your property and continued trespassing will result in legal action. Send it certified mail. This creates a paper trail showing you’ve clearly communicated boundaries and delivered an official warning.
I wish I could say this would help wake up these dopey parents and that will be the end of it – and your neighborly relations, to boot. But don’t feel guilty about involving law enforcement. These parents forced your hand by refusing to parent their own children. Trespassing is trespassing, whether the trespassers are 13 or 30.
What else can you do? Consider installing motion-activated sprinklers, lighting, video or additional security measures, but know that determined kids will find workarounds. The nuclear option might be a pool cover you can lock, but you shouldn’t have to barricade your own amenities.
I’m with your husband on this one. After you deliver your letter, the next time they trespass, call the police. These parents clearly need external pressure to take their children’s misbehavior seriously.
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My parents are retired and recently sold their home to move into a condo. Today I opened my mail to find a bill to have a door frame molding completely redone for $1,200. I contacted the company to explain there had been a mistake; they had never done any work for me. The person I spoke with gave my mother’s name and asked if I was her son. When I replied that I was, they said there had been no mistake because my mother had listed me as the responsible party when she had the work done prior to selling the house.
When I called my mother to ask what would possess her to have a door frame charged to me, she asked if I remembered the time I had dented it with my hockey stick. After a moment, I recalled that I had accidentally hit the frame with a hockey stick when I was leaving for practice and put a dent in it (my mother screamed me stupid at the time and grounded me for a month). But this happened when I was 10 years old—I’m 33 and married with two kids now! I told her there was no way I was paying for something that happened when I was in elementary school. Her response was that she would see me in court.
Trying to get my dad to talk sense into her will go nowhere, as he is scared shitless of my mom. My wife says it will be a cold day in hell before we plunk down $1,200 for something that happened when I was a kid. I agree, but do you see any way we can avoid a legal fight over this?
—No Statute of Limitations, Apparently
Dear No Statute of Limitations, Apparently,
Wow! Your mother has completely lost her mind. This is so absurd it’s almost funny - except she’s apparently serious about dragging you to court over elementary school property damage.Let’s start with the basics: No contractor should have accepted work orders with you as the “responsible party” without your signature, authorization, or at minimum, a phone call. You never agreed to this work. Your mother likely committed fraud by signing your name to this contract without permission. If anything, you could sue her.
The statute of limitations on property damage varies by state, but we’re talking about something that happened 23 years ago when you were a literal child. So, good luck finding a judge who won’t laugh this out of court. Plus, any damage from a 10-year-old’s hockey stick would have been minor cosmetic wear that likely needed refreshing anyway after two decades of daily life.
Call the contractor back and explain that your mother had no authority to list you as responsible for charges. Demand they provide documentation showing your authorization—which won’t exist. Refuse to pay and tell them to pursue your mother, who actually ordered the work.Then send your mother a certified letter stating you never authorized this work and won’t be paying. Keep copies of everything. If you have an attorney (or a friend who is an attorney), you might want to consult with them to make sure you’ve covered your bases.
If she actually follows through on court threats (doubtful), any reasonable judge will side with you. But honestly? Let her try. Sometimes calling a bluff is the only way to deal with unreasonable people.
Your wife is right—this is insane, and you shouldn’t reward your mother’s delusional behavior with compliance. And, until this is settled, you might want to see your father separately.
(See how Prudie answered this question here!)
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