Every Holiday Season, My Family Plays the Same Maddening Game of Telephone. Enough Already!

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My sister openly doesn’t like me (and has said so publicly and directly), though we manage well enough for family events. I get along with my brother and his wife, but they are horrible at communication and interact with my sister more frequently. My dad gets along with all of us and is good at communication, but lives in denial of all weird family dynamics.

Around every holiday season or major family function, I get left out of crucial information regarding plans, transportation, emergency changes, etc. One consistent hurdle: Brother or Dad tells Sister something and assumes she will pass it on to me, and she doesn’t. I have explicitly told them both to stop doing this, and they just forget, leaving me scrambling when they ask why I haven’t RSVP’d/contributed to a group gift/etc. On the flip side, neither of my siblings is particularly good about getting back to me when I reach out to them, so asking directly doesn’t help either. (Brother and his wife are notoriously bad at responses with everyone, so it’s not personal, just frustrating.) One workaround I’ve discovered is to ask Dad to reach out on my behalf, because that guarantees an actual response, but it’s irritating that I have to resort to that to get basic information like, “What time do you expect me to arrive at your house?” Is there anything I can do to make this easier?

—It’s Mean Girls Meets Finding Dory

Dear It’s Mean Girls Meets Finding Dory,

This is such a tough dynamic, and one that I’m sure is extremely difficult to manage. I’m glad that you have your dad to help, but you can’t keep doing a game of telephone every time you want just basic information.

To keep track of the logistics, I suggest you start a group text thread. You don’t have to use it for anything other than logistics, and it does three things. First, it puts all of the need-to-know information together in one place instead of in several separate text messages. So if your sister texts your brother, his wife, or your dad, you’ll see it (that is, if they use it—and you can, at the very least, strongly encourage your dad to lead by example). Secondly, your dad is in the loop, so the conversation will likely remain civil, and people will be more likely to respond to you there rather than if you texted them separately. And lastly, your forgetful brother and sister-in-law might be able to better respond to messages because if they go to the thread to say something new, they’ll see your last request and be reminded to reply.

This doesn’t have to be used for everyday conversation. You don’t have to be in there talking about daily life or sharing memes. But, logistically, make the argument that it’ll help everyone and not just you: one text message versus three, quicker responses, and no one left out. Also, get your dad on your side about it first. Maybe even ask him to start the group chat since no one will tell him no. Luckily, you have some support, and leaning into that with a little tech help can hopefully make all the difference.

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Dear Care and Feeding,

How do I navigate the artificial intelligence-slopocalypse with my aging parents? There always seems to be a discourse around “the youths and the internet,” but after spending some time recently with my aging parents, I’m worried about older people.

My parents watch—somewhat surprisingly—a lot of YouTube TV, and during a recent extended visit, I was surprised not only at the amount of AI slop they were watching but how hard it was for them to distinguish between what was real and what was AI-generated. Also, they seem to be confused about the distinction between AI and Computer-Generated Imagery (CGI), but that’s an issue for another day. I’ve tried to show them how to spot AI-generated content, but I’m Sisyphusing hard. I’m worried. Are older people all doomed?

—Sarah Connor (But Really Tired)

Dear But Really Tired,

I’m going to be honest: Helping your parents navigate AI is not an easy task. I teach college students, and even they are being tricked on a daily basis. At least half of one of my classes said they’d seen this AI image on their social media feeds and thought it was real.

But even though AI videos are getting more convincing by the day, all hope is not lost. Since your parents like videos, this one by the AARP about how to detect AI videos, audio, and images might be helpful. Tell them a professional journalist vouched for the AARP’s great journalism, which is true! But, if you think the AARP name might have them feeling a bit attacked (my own parents are sometimes a bit sensitive about their age), this new video from BBC World Service shows just how clear and realistic AI videos are now and provides some tips for detecting them.

Realistically, deciphering AI videos is going to be an ongoing challenge—one that will get even harder as the technology improves. Two things will need to happen: You’ll need to continue to share tips and tricks with your parents as AI evolves, and you’ll want to focus on the videos that do the most harm.

Help them build up a skepticism for everything they see. Even after your initial conversation, keep highlighting what makes something AI-generated whenever you can—every time they send you a short clip with a glitchy-looking background, or share a “news” image that’s been debunked, like the one I talked about with my class, point it out.

Just think about it this way: Your parents sharing a video of an AI-generated cat on Facebook might not be the most catastrophic act in the long run. But what can be devastating is if they fall for scams or let misinformation cloud their judgment and understanding of the world around them. Best of luck!

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