I’d Like to Leave My Marriage. But There’s One Thing I Can’t Stomach Giving Up.

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I’m seriously considering leaving my marriage. One logistical piece that I keep getting stuck on is what we do with our house. We purchased our house in 2021 at an extremely good mortgage rate (2.9 percent). Unfortunately, neither of us make enough money to pay the mortgage on our individual salaries, but it feels insane to give up such a strong investment. The house has increased in value nearly 20 percent in just those few years.

Right now, I’m thinking the best option would be for us to keep joint ownership of the house, rent it, and split the rent income to cover the mortgage. I don’t anticipate that ours would be a particularly acrimonious divorce (no cheating or domestic abuse, just a marriage that isn’t working), so maintaining co-ownership shouldn’t be prohibitive. Then if further down the line one of us wanted to sell, the other could decide to either buy the other out or split the proceeds.

But I also realize that may be too optimistic (and I don’t love the idea of becoming a landlord), so what other options are out there? I have enough pre-marital assets that I could theoretically buy out my spouse’s share right now, but everything I’ve found indicates that doing so would require refinancing. I really don’t want to do that since we have such a good rate.

—A House to Be Divided

Dear A House to Be Divided,

It’s tough to be in a state of limbo and unsure of how much your life is about to change. You’re trying to make the best financial move, which is hard enough, but that move is also tied up with a big emotional decision. Figuring out a path forward may be tricky, but people do it all the time, and you have options.

You’ve already suggested one of those options, which is renting out the house together. This can work if you and your soon-to-be ex communicate well with each other, are aligned on rules and boundaries, and are willing to treat this like a business. The thing is, even in amicable splits, there are certain situations (new partners, disagreements about how to handle repairs, taxes, etc.) that can make the arrangement way more complicated. Suddenly, something that feels simple becomes a long‑term headache. It’s not impossible to go this route, but you’re right to be cautious about it.

The other option is to sell the house and split the equity. This is probably the cleanest break. Yes, you lose your rate and potential growth—ouch—but you also don’t have to worry about being a landlord with your ex. Which sounds like the makings of a fun sitcom, but in real life, could become highly stressful. This is exactly why some people decide selling is worth more than the financial optimization.

Another possibility—although it’s rare—is that one person keeps the house without having to refinance. This is not common, but sometimes lenders allow an assumption of the mortgage where one person takes over the existing loan. This is called a “loan assumption” and depends entirely on the lender and the loan type. It’s worth calling your lender directly to ask about assumptions, because banks don’t exactly advertise it.

Another option, one you’ve already suggested, is buying out your spouse and refinancing anyway. It’s annoying to have to do this, and you’ll almost certainly have a higher rate, but it does give you full control and clear boundaries. You might decide the stability is worth the higher rate.

There’s no perfect, mess-free option here. It’s really about which trade‑off you’re willing to live with. Divorce is already a major transition, though, and sometimes simplifying things, despite the financial hit, is the best way to go. Especially if it gives you some peace during an already stressful time.

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My wife and I are in our early 70s. We have a good combined pension, social security and annuity income of $100,000 per year, conservative investments of $1.5 million and real estate valued at around $800,000. Our mortgage on our primary residence won’t be paid off for another 12 years. It is our only major debt. We owe about $92,000 at 4.2 percent interest. My dream has always been to live in a paid-off home, and I would like to pay off the mortgage with some of our investment earnings. My wife sees no problem with paying it off gradually over about a 10-year period. What do you think we should do?

You’re in a great financial position! You’ve got a good, steady stream of income, lots of savings, and a relatively small mortgage at a decent rate. At this point, the question isn’t about math so much as it is what’s going to give you the best peace of mind.

It sounds like paying off the mortgage early would give you the emotional satisfaction of owning your home outright. And the good news is, it sounds like you can afford to do this without jeopardizing your financial security. On the other hand, the mortgage rate you have is pretty good, and your wife makes a good point—there’s nothing wrong with paying it off over time.

So the real trade‑off here is the psychological comfort of being debt‑free versus the financial flexibility of keeping your investments intact. Paying it off locks that money into your home, while keeping the mortgage allows your investments to remain liquid and potentially grow, though with market risk. Neither choice is a bad one. It just depends on what matters most to you both—owning your home free and clear or keeping your nest egg intact?

You could also meet in the middle. You could pay down your mortgage faster, even if it’s not all at once. Or you could set aside a specific amount each year toward the principal. Or maybe you agree on a target date that feels satisfying to both of you—five years from now, two years from now.

But if this is truly a dream for you, think about why it matters. Money is just money—we give it meaning, so what does this financial milestone mean to you? Would paying off your home offer less stress? Is it the psychological freedom of not owing anybody anything? Is the comfort of having your income freed up? There are no wrong answers, but when asking yourself these questions, see what resonates with your wife, too.

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My husband died while our marriage was dissolving. We hadn’t filed for divorce, but we were sleeping in separate bedrooms. I looked through his phone after his car accident and found out he was sleeping with other women. His family has no clue—we always put up a good show when we were going home. My in-laws are hysterical with grief, and I am just numb. I was never close to them, but I can see no good in telling the truth. What do I say to them?