I Volunteered to Host the Holidays This Year. One Guest’s Outrageous Demands Have Me Tempted to Call It Off.

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It is my sister’s turn to host the holidays for her in-laws, but she and her husband might be moving depending on their jobs. I offered to host instead because her in-laws live in my state, and I have bedrooms to spare. Her in-laws are great—except for the brother’s wife, “Dana.” I’d heard stories, but I thought maybe my sister was exaggerating. She wasn’t. I have never met Dana, but that didn’t stop her from emailing me a list of demands to accommodate her pregnant self and her 10-month-old at my home.

She said I needed to get baby gates, baby-proof everything, and even buy a pack and play because she didn’t want to bring hers. I also had to make sure I had her favorite brand of coffee, bread, and other expensive organic crap. Also, she said I needed to get my home professionally cleaned because she has allergies.

I forwarded this insanity to my sister and asked her and her husband what the hell? That’s when they told me that, despite Dana only being in the family for three years, she calls the shots because she’s the mother of the only grandchild and everyone is sure she will cut off access if offended. And she offends easily. For example, my sister sent her a diaper bag as a gift and Dana got offended, because while it was the brand she wanted, it was the wrong color.

I told my sister and brother-in-law that me hosting the holidays was now a bad idea, because I wasn’t going to do anything Dana demanded. My brother-in-law begged me to reconsider and offered to pay for everything because his family was really looking forward to this visit.

I feel trapped. It isn’t about the money, it is the principle. This is my home and even if I am hosting, I am not going to cater to this crazy woman. What should I do?

Yikes! I feel for your brother and sister, but just because they’re willing to accommodate this madness doesn’t mean you need to do the same. You don’t even know Dana and she’s already stressing you out? No, thanks.

The family has spent the past few years putting up with her demands—at some point, there’s going to be a breaking point. Maybe this is it. Tell your sister and brother-in-law it’s not about the expense, you just really can’t accommodate demanding behavior in your home, especially around the holidays, which can already be stressful. You’re already hosting—you don’t need more on your plate. You can tell your brother-in-law, “I’ve considered the request, and I appreciate where you’re coming from, but hosting is already a lot of work and I just can’t accommodate Dana. Your folks are welcome to stay.”

It might cause some drama at the holiday, but hey, it sounds like that was going to happen anyway. Maybe your brother-in-law can take it upon himself to talk to her. Or maybe you just reply to the email. “Hi—I absolutely understand wanting to make sure your little one is safe and comfortable in a new and unfamiliar environment. Unfortunately, my house would not be safe. I’m afraid I can’t accommodate an overnight visit.” Stand your ground, don’t leave room for debate, and let your in-laws figure it out. Holiday hosting is stressful enough—why make it worse?

More Money Advice From Slate

My partner grew up poor, while I grew up more middleclass. He has always controlled all our finances, and spends hours monthly on budgeting and checking bills, credit cards, etc. I’ve never known anybody who obsesses like this. All income, including gifts, goes to the joint account, and I have to keep receipts for everything I buy, down to a coffee, so he can record and check it.