I Don’t Expect Money When My Dad Dies. I’m Terrified of What He Might Leave Me With Instead.

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My biological father is incredibly irresponsible with money due to a “keeping up with the Joneses”-type mentality. I’m extremely worried about how this will play out when he eventually dies.

I am terrified that before he dies, he’s going to find some way to saddle myself and my brother with his debt, while setting up his new wife (my stepmom) and her family with any inheritance he may have to give.

I’ve tried researching this before, but keep getting conflicting answers: Some places say the debts become void when the indebted person dies, others say the next of kin get saddled with it.

If there is something he can pull without me knowing to drop his debt in my lap, and how do I counteract it? I refuse to spend a dollar more on him in life than I have to, and I will not let him steal a penny in death.

Dear No Negative Inheritance,

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Having a financially irresponsible parent creates real anxiety, and you deserve clarity so you can plan your own future.

Here’s the good news: You are not responsible for your father’s debts when he dies. Period. Debts die with the debtor unless you’ve co-signed loans, have joint credit cards, or are a joint account holder. Don’t do any of those things.

Here’s how the estate should handle any creditors: When your father dies, his estate pays his debts before anyone inherits anything. If he owes $100,000 and has $50,000 in assets, creditors get the $50,000 and that’s it—they can’t come after you for the remaining $50,000. Generally speaking, if his new wife inherits the house, creditors can’t touch it unless they can prove she is in some way also responsible for his debts. However, she would also inherit any mortgage or loans that use the house as collateral and those would have to be repaid either by selling the property or by assuming the loan and making regular monthly payments.

Just make sure you don’t sign anything on his behalf or get added to any accounts. And, if you somehow get named executor of his estate, that doesn’t mean you have to accept. When the time comes, you can formally decline (called “renouncing” the executorship), and the court will appoint someone else—often the alternate executor named in the will, or if there isn’t one, another family member or even a professional executor.

This is actually important for you: if your father names you executor hoping you’ll feel obligated to sort out his mess or pay his debts out of guilt, you can simply say no. You don’t owe him your time, your stress, or your money managing his estate.

Given your concerns about him prioritizing his new wife’s family over you and your brother, refusing to be executor might be the smartest move anyway. Let his wife or her family deal with untangling his finances.

So back to you: breathe easy. You can’t inherit debt. You can only inherit what’s left after debts are paid. Protect yourself by keeping your finances completely separate from his. You’re doing the right thing by setting boundaries now.

My husband and I met working at a major tech company. He left with more than $2 million at age 36. On the outside, our life looks great. But he hasn’t worked since we got married nearly 20 years ago, and as a result, he’s blown through all our cash. I knew he was selling off stock but was unaware of the extent until a few years ago. I never expected he would not work again. Now he resents watching colleagues advance to senior roles, making good money, and working on exciting tech products. A few friends are starting to retire. That would have been us, too. But now we’re in our 50s with no savings.