My Brother-in-Law’s Marriage Blew Up in a Devastating Way. But My Patience for Him Is Wearing Thin.

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My husband’s brother, “Will,” has been living with us after his marriage broke up. It’s now been six months, and he’s showing no signs of getting over it—or getting out of here.

Will caught his wife in bed with another man, and he was understandably devastated. But since then, he has made no attempt to find other accommodations. If that weren’t bad enough, Will has been drinking more and more. We have a 5-year-old, and last Saturday, he came to get me, saying that Uncle Will wouldn’t wake up. We found my brother-in-law passed out on the couch, with a liquor bottle nearby.

I have told my husband it’s time to set a deadline for Will to find another place to stay.  He says the only place his brother can go is to their mother’s, and if he lands there, he’ll never leave, as she will enable him until the day she dies.  We just need to give him “a little more time,” he says.  As far as I’m concerned, it’s no different than what’s going on here, but at least our son won’t have to see his uncle drink himself into a stupor.  What can I do to convince my husband that Will’s time here is up?

Let your husband know that it’s time to set a firm date for Will’s departure—and that if he isn’t willing to inform his brother, then you’ll do it. Try to agree upon a reasonable date; if you find it in your heart to do so, the two of you can talk to Will about his capacity and what he needs to put into place in order to leave. Be clear with your husband that his brother must go, and that he cannot stay in your home, indefinitely exposing your son to his issues with booze. Be empathetic, but let them both know that this departure is happening, whether or not Will is “ready” to go or not. I know it’s longer than you’d want him to stay, but I think three months is a fair deadline. Let your husband know that you don’t want to see his brother enabled by their mother, however, allowing him to remain in your home isn’t really doing much for him, either. Will has to face life after his breakup at some point, and the longer he stays with you, the harder it will be to get him gone–and the more your son has to bear witness to his over-drinking.

My office is next door to that of the head of my department, and we share a wall. Every time she closes the door for a private conversation, I can hear every single word she says. She is very close to another department head and they often gossip about people in our department and the heads of the company. Needless to say, hearing the gossip about my fellow co-workers makes her look two-faced (as she is very nice to them when she speaks to them, but then she talks horribly about them when the door is shut). I am now semi-anxious that one day she could start talking about me.