My Son Keeps Coming Home From Daycare With Something Outrageous. My Wife Wants to Ignore It.

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My 2-year-old son, “Jasper,” attends a daycare run by my wife’s friend, “Alice.” I think their friendship is really clouding my wife’s judgement.

Last week, Jasper came home with a bite on his arm. Apparently, there’s now a kid at Alice’s daycare who is a biter, and she either can’t or won’t rein them in. Yesterday, our son came home with another bite. When I told my wife we needed to make other arrangements for Jasper, she said Alice was “doing her best,” and it would hurt her feelings if we took our son elsewhere. I think Jasper’s safety overrides the need to spare Alice’s self-esteem, but my wife is sticking her head in the sand. Do I have permission to find another daycare and take my son there on my own?

—Won’t Abide Biting​​Dear Won’t Abide Biting,

​Come on, man. Unfortunately, your son’s at an age where he will be subjected to all sorts of disgusting shit: Lice. Hand, foot, mouth. Covid. Colds. RSV. Mysterious rashes. Skinned knees. Bonked heads. And, yep, mouth bites. All part of the magical experience that is daycare!​And I don’t think this is a safety issue. Alice isn’t biting Jasper—another toddler, who also most likely hasn’t been to finishing school, is the culprit here. Have you actually told Alice that you’d like her to “rein in” a 2-year-old? It sounds like you think Alice is terrible at her job.​But think about it—what do you want her to do with the biter? Week-long suspension? Press charges? Lock-up?

​You’re at a very important crossroads right here, my friend: Are you gonna be a super-chill dad who lets (extremely) minor incidents like this roll right off you, or will you be an uptight dad that no one wants to share a playdate with because they all think you suck because you’re judging their parenting? Think hard, here—your enjoyment of the next 16 years depends on it.

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