I’ve Never Struggled With This Part of Sex. But My Body Is Suddenly Rejecting It.
How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!
Dear How to Do It,
I have always given my husband head and swallowed at the finish. I’ve never struggled with any part of it before and genuinely like doing it.
But suddenly, and it feels like this happened overnight, my gag reflex is triggered when I know he’s about to finish, and I absolutely cannot swallow no matter what. I’ve tried, and it makes me feel like I might throw up. This is so frustrating! My husband doesn’t seem very phased and is happy to finish elsewhere, but it’s really throwing me off that this thing is now suddenly off limits. Any way to get past this?
The short answer is that I don’t know whether there’s a way to get past this sudden gag reaction, or why it’s happening now. I do, however, have some follow-up questions that might help.
Did absolutely anything else change at the time that you abruptly went from easily swallowing to immediately gagging? Your stress levels, diet, or environment? Anything else that has to do with your body? Or your emotions? If you’re female, are you pregnant? (I know, I know, but the variety of ways that even early pregnancy can change a body’s reactions is vast and wild). The texture or taste of your husband’s semen? The way he’s moving or not moving when he’s about to ejaculate? The position of your body or head in relation to his penis? If the answer to any of these is yes, you know where to start troubleshooting.
Has your gag reflex changed in general? Can you brush your tongue as far back as you previously could? Can you take as much of your husband’s penis into your mouth as you used to be able to? If that’s the difference, give the whole thing a rest and then start slowly pushing your limits in whatever ways feel most comfortable and controllable.
Sometimes our responses simply change for no discernible reason. If that’s the case, look at what you liked about swallowing and find other ways to get a similar feeling. Believe your husband when he says he’s happy to finish elsewhere. Then give some consideration to why losing the ability to swallow is tripping you up so substantially.
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