My Son Has Discovered a New Beloved Hobby. But My Mother-in-Law Has Some “Warnings.”

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My 7-year-old son, “Caleb,” started taking ballet lessons three months ago and is loving it.

My mother-in-law, “Karina,” is less than enthusiastic about this (to put it mildly) and has been telling us that Caleb will “turn out gay” if we let him continue. Whenever I ask my husband to shut down his mother’s bigoted bullshit, his response is to just let her vent. May I tell Karina to shut up already?

You don’t need my permission to tell your mother-in-law to lay off, but it would be more productive to do so in a way that doesn’t just insult her but also makes it clear where you stand: “Karina, that is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. There’s nothing that ‘turns’ a person gay—or straight. We are who we are. And by the way, whatever my kid’s sexuality turns out to be matters not a whit to me.” (Lord knows, I hope this is true.)

Say this in front of Caleb, if she has ever said in his presence that taking ballet classes will “make him gay.” Better yet, say it in both Caleb’s and your husband’s presence, since it seems you can’t count on him to recognize that what your mother-in-law is doing isn’t venting. What she’s saying is hate speech, it’s ignorant, and he, too, should know that it’s not to be tolerated.

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