My Co-Worker Broke Every Rule for Inviting Co-Workers to a Party. This Is Personal.

Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!)

I was put in a very uncomfortable situation at work. During a small team meeting, a colleague changed the topic of discussion from the client we were focused on to their upcoming graduation from graduate school and their graduation party. She went around the table inviting everyone to her graduation party. Then she got to me.

She made eye contact, said nothing, and then went to the next person. This colleague had been dismissive to me in individual interactions because a client had been assigned to my caseload instead of theirs, partially because they had become too close, personally, to the client. I wasn’t upset that I wasn’t invited to her party; the blatant disrespect of excluding me in a public setting was what upset me. I didn’t say anything, but several team members came up to me later to ask me about the interaction. I left that job shortly following that interaction. But how should I have responded to the people that came up and asked about it after?

—Not on the Guest List

Dear Not on the Guest List,

Ew. I’m glad you’ve moved on! This feels like one of those situations where someone thinks they’re making a big dramatic statement that will make everyone wonder what the other person did wrong, but in fact it just makes them look bad. (See also: any essays about toxic mom groups.) I think you handled this perfectly. You were right not to get into it in the moment, and the less said about it afterward, the better. And just think, you have moved on, and she is still living her petty little life. I would say you came out ahead on this one!

I am a thirtysomething, single woman who has worked in the same small company for years. During this time a few of my male co-workers have approached me for dates. I have never had an issue with kindly turning any of them down, until now. One co-worker is irritatingly persistent. He constantly inquires about the relationship status of every woman that breathes. For years he has asked about me. I began by deflecting his interest politely, but after years of it I have had to up the level of aggression in my dealings with him. I now give one-word answers and don’t look or smile at him when he talks to me. It’s exhausting to be so rude.