I Never Locked Away Some Wild Photos From My Youth. Now They’ve Gotten Into the Wrong Hands.

Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here.

I find myself in an embarrassing situation, so please be kind. I (woman, no kids) am in a seven-year domestic relationship with my partner (man), who has two daughters: the older one graduated from college and lives with her boyfriend, and the younger is a sophomore going to college out of town. My dilemma is with the younger daughter.

She and I have a warm relationship, though we are not close; she just really wants her dad’s attention (which is fine! I love their relationship and am on friendly terms with their mom). Since college, her interest in spending time with me has greatly declined, most recently down to no hugs or goodbyes when she leaves to go back to school.

A few weeks ago, I was looking through a long-neglected drawer and came across some old Polaroid photos from over 25 years ago: They are “explicit” in action, and they were on top of the junk in the drawer! I don’t know who saw them, but they were NOT originally stored on top. I had forgotten about them when I moved in three years ago, and now I suspect that the younger daughter has seen them and is traumatized by the photos, and that this is a contributing factor to our decline in closeness. I told my partner my suspicions after sitting with this information for a few weeks (I have never shared these photos with ANYONE—not best friends, previous partners, etc.). He thought there was no way she saw these photos, and that there was no way to ask without outing myself. I told him I was going to destroy them and have them locked away now, but I am sad to get rid of these intimate photos, the only ones of their kind (thank the stars!) of my stupid hot 20-year-old self. I am unsure which way to go with this. Do I risk letting this simmer between my partner’s daughter and me? Do I write her a letter telling her I am worried she saw these private photos? Or do I pretend nothing happened?

First of all, don’t destroy your photos! Your desire to see your treasured images of your hot 20-year-old self will outlast this awkward moment with your stepdaughter. Locking them away should be enough to keep them away from prying eyes. Also, don’t bring them up to her. If she has, in fact, seen the images and was scandalized, is judging you, or whatever the case may be, you’re telling her you know (or even apologizing) won’t undo that or make her feel closer to you. It’s not as if you’re going to say, “Those actually weren’t me, they were my twin sister,” or as if there’s some explanation that they are not actually explicit.

I have a short-term plan and a long-term plan for you. Right now, take her to lunch and tell her you know she’s getting older and is super busy, and it’s normal for relationships to change, but you’ve noticed she’s a little more distant and want to know if there’s anything you might have done unintentionally to push her away, or if there’s anything she needs from you. If she gives you the Gen Z stare, just move on and keep it light, reaffirming that you care about her and enjoy whatever time you have with her.

Then, just wait it out. If she saw the photos and was traumatized, the more life she lives, the more context she’ll have for them, and the more she’ll be able to see you as a full human being who had your own life before she and her dad were in it. I think she’ll come around.

My husband and I have been married for five years. We have no children because I have been unable to get pregnant, even with the help of fertility treatments. We are set up with an agency to adopt, but that has also been a lengthy and emotional process, which has included a match with a birth mother who ultimately broke the match because her mother didn’t like us. Now that my husband’s sister-in-law just had a baby, he’s more desperate than ever to start our family. He has recently told me that he is “embarrassed.”