My Son Got Mad at His Teacher and Channeled It Into a Crude Drawing. The School’s Reaction Has Been Way Overblown.

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.

Dear Care and Feeding,

Two weeks ago my wife and I received a call from the school our 10-year-old son, “Josh” attends. Apparently, Josh was angry with his teacher, “Mrs. Smith,” after he was kept in from recess for playing with his phone during class. So he drew a picture.

The drawing was of his teacher in a compromising position with a dog. It circulated among the students, one of whom ultimately ratted him out. We had to attend a conference with Mrs. Smith and the principal, and Josh ended up with a week’s suspension. He’s been grounded for the next month, but his best friend’s birthday falls during that time period. My wife thinks he should be made to skip the party. I think that’s excessive and punishes not only Josh, but his friend as well and we’ve been at odds over it since. I don’t think making an exception will diminish the lesson we are trying to teach Josh about his behavior. Thoughts?

Before we get to the punishment, I have to ask—why does 10-year-old Josh have a phone in school anyway? Is he a mob bookie? Unless you have a reason beyond the typical plea of “but all my friends have phones!” that most kids his age throw out there, that absolutely should be the first thing to go. No phone in school!

And I mean—man, the dog drawing is CRAZY. I would feel fortunate that Josh was only suspended.  And adding one month of grounding feels entirely appropriate.

As for the friend’s party—I definitely see your point. Let’s float this to your wife: If Josh is taking his punishment respectfully, showing good behavior, and you think he has an understanding of the gravity of what he did, there’s some window for leniency for the party. But if you think he’s not taking it seriously, then I’d skip that party—he needs to understand there’s a harsh penalty for his genuinely outsized outburst to his teacher’s perfectly reasonable request. If he hasn’t already, make sure he apologizes to his teacher for his rude behavior. And also, remember—no more goddamn phone! Or drawing, for now.

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