My Kid Has Some New Thoughts About Alcohol. Uh, It’s Putting Me in a Bind.

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My 14-year-old has started making negative comments about drinking alcohol. These aren’t pointed toward anyone, they’re just general observations.

For example, we were at an outdoor music festival, and he said, “Why on Earth would anyone want to drink in this heat!” I am hugely supportive of his having negative opinions about alcohol! I know some of his friends have tried it, and I want him not to drink in high school. I would like to amplify and validate his beliefs. However, his dad and I are moderate drinkers, and I also don’t want to be a hypocrite! (The day before his remark, at the festival, I had a cocktail!) What’s the best way to respond?

I don’t think your son watching you and his dad drink a cocktail will necessarily make him think you’re a hypocrite. But I think his new observations might be stemming from something else he’s seeing.

Next time he mentions drinking in an offhand comment, I would push him to elaborate: “You’re not wrong! But what made you think about it?” It is very possible that his friends are beginning to talk about alcohol more, and he might be expressing his disgust at the thought. Or he could be trying to reassure you that he’s not drinking. Maybe he saw someone really drunk and was disgusted by it, so it’s on his mind. Either way, a good but casual conversation in which he feels comfortable sharing will likely get to the bottom of this.

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